Why Do Marriages Die?

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Marriages end by silence.

They end in silence.

It all starts when couples stop caring enough to talk or argue.

That’s it.

That’s all there is to it.

When couples stop caring enough to talk or argue—with peace as the goal—then that marriage is dying and soon it will smell like death.

This isn’t about endless rounds of fight-to-the-death arguments or seemingly endless rounds of conversations just to talk. I mean, clearly state what you want, listen to what your spouse wants, and then restate to check for understanding, [“I think you mean ____ is that right?”] and then finally work from there.

Does that sound hard?

It should because it is hard.

Isn’t that what you signed up for when you exchanged vows?

But instead of honest, difficult, and healthy conversations, many couples believe the poison of silence is better.

You might think, “It’s okay…

It’s not worth getting into a fight over…

I can put up with it…”

Really? Is it okay?

Not worth getting into a fight over?

Can you “put up” with it?

Do you really want your mate’s annoying BS, poor health habits, drinking, lousy sex, bad money management, or insert the thing you dislike which is driving you crazy here _____, for the remaining years or decades of your barely alive marriage? Is it possible you’ve become lazy or cowardly? Is it possible you have a serious issue with honest conversations? And if you can’t have a difficult conversation with your spouse, doesn’t your marriage matter enough to get help to have those conversations?

You might think to yourself, “I’m a good person…

I’m a peace-loving, kind, and patient person…”

And that’s a total nonsense. You’re either a coward or horrible or delusional.

Wake up!

Your marriage is dying and all you care about is believing you’re a good person?                       You’re wrapping your arrogance and sickness in the clothes of a false virtue.

You have a fear of the truth.

You don’t want to know the truth.

You think you can’t handle the truth.

Let’s be honest, sometimes, the truth is more terrifying than the unknown.

Maybe your sex life has become a chore.

Maybe you enjoy the thrill of being a martyr.

Maybe dinner conversations have become monotonous.

Maybe both of you have become selfish or immature.

Maybe you’ve become unattractive to your partner and you both know it.

Maybe love has slowly turned into hatred without a word or action.

Why?

Because you kept your mouth shut.

Things fall apart.

Everything.

All the time.

Especially relationships.

But if you can’t or won’t talk about this, then you shouldn’t be surprised when you find out your marriage is dead. And that’s how marriages die.

By silence.

In silence.